


In Which Kim Tries To Hold Three People’s Hands

by Emperor_Quarter



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Andre is a god, Attempt at Humor, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Idiots in Love, Multi, Nath is best bro, Polyamory, Queer Characters, The World Will Never Know, These four are absolute dorks, aka everyone, bg Nath/Marc, how has Kim not been kicked out of the zoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-17 04:18:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16509245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emperor_Quarter/pseuds/Emperor_Quarter
Summary: ...and fails miserably, but hey, he gets points for trying.Join the adventures of Kim, Alix, Max, and Ondine throughout Paris as they take on challenges, race across the zoo, and battle for the last spoonful of ice cream!//Or: six attempts to have a successful date, and one time where Max and Ondine learn to lower their standards for one.





	In Which Kim Tries To Hold Three People’s Hands

**Author's Note:**

> It started out okay than got progressively worse, but it’s these four so it was bound to happen. I’ll write more adventures between these three, but take this craziness for now.

First Attempt: Zoo Date

~

“No. Alix we are not going to the zoo,” Max said, hiding his face in his hands as he tried to forget the _incident._

Alix scoffed. “But I really want to see Kim try to impress you again! Apparently I missed it? I wanted to see!”

Kim grinned, sliding an arm around Max. “Babe, I’d race a million panthers for you,” he said, and the shorter boy grew red.

A sigh came from Ondine, she looked disappointedly at her three partners. Alix popped her gum. “Oh that’s right, we totally need to get you in on the zoo adventures, Ondi.” 

“As long as we’re not climbing the monkey cage?” She asked hopefully. Kim and Alix shot each other a glance.

”No promises.” 

When they got there, the zookeeper glared but said nothing after Max and Ondine promised to hold Kim back. “We love you, but please don’t kick us out of the zoo,” Ondine begged.

Kim sighed, turning to Alix. She rose an eyebrow. “First one to the giraffe wins? Loser has to buy them something at the shop.” Kim grinned, and they took off. But Ondine and Max grabbed them. Max held a kicking Alix boredly.

”And first one back from the giraffe exhibit. If you get back in under twenty minutes I’ll buy you both something,” he said, then released them. Kim and Alix took off.

Ondine let a fond smile grace her lips. “Aaannd they’re gone,” she announced.

Max checked his watch. “How long until we get kicked out?”

”Hmm, maybe twenty minutes.”

The other gaped. “According to past results, combined with the factor of the zoo already hates us, I’d say five minutes approximately.”

”I’m trying to be nice and give them some more time,” Ondine countered. “I’ll let them know it was you who had no faith in them.”

Max stared at her for a bit, and Ondine blushed. “We’re turning into them,” Max realized. Ondine nodded.

”So...” she stated awkwardly. Max rubbed the back of his neck. “Why do I feel like they did that on purpose to leave us together?”

”Probably fifty-fifty,” Max answered. He sighed. “So um, I know we’ve been really trying about making this relationship equal but...”

Ondine smiled at him. “If you’re not comfortable it’s okay. I know you’re pretty gay, but I mean I’m...” 

The shorter boy turned to her sharply. “A wonderful girl who I’m lucky to have,” he corrected, before blushing and covering his face. Ondine swallowed, touched and also a bit embarrassed. Max breathed and removed his hands, offering one to Ondine. She took it. It was smaller than Kim’s and much softer than Alix’s. Max smiled, and she smiled too.

”Don’t you dare touch my animals again!”

Both turned to where Kim and Alix were coming back, panting and running. Kim beamed when he saw their intertwined hands, Alix pretended nothing happened.

Max checked his watch. “Fifteen minutes and twenty-six seconds,” he sighed, a smile on his face as he stared at the two. “Are we not getting kicked out?”

”Well...” Kim started, and Ondine sighed. “Okay but like, they said we could come back after three weeks!” He protested.

Max tugged Ondine with him and clasped hands with Kim, who took Alix’s as well. “I’ll buy you something that’s under fifteen euros each. But you’re paying anything above it.” Kim pouted and pecked Max’s cheek. The other huffed. “No. Pouty face will not work on me Kim.”

”But Max~!”

”No. This is what happens when you get us kicked out of the zoo.”

Alix suddenly lighted up. “Wait! I got this!” She reached up and whispered something in Kim’s ear.

Ondine facepalmed. “Please tell me I didn’t just hear a bet on getting kicked out of every date spot, with the consequence of kissing Chloé.”

Her hyper-competitive partners looked at her with guilt.

* * *

Second Attempt: Study Date

~

”Alright, now that we’re settled,” Max glanced at Kim, who was snuggling with a Ladybug plush on the couch, and Alix, who sat on him rather uncomfortably. Ondine took a chair next to them, at least she had common sense. He pulled out his textbook. “Let’s get started.”

”Please give me everything I need to know so I don’t fail this test,” Kim begged, eyes wide. Max realized that this was the only reason he hadn’t already skipped a grade, and sighed, staring at the textbook. 

“Okay, but I need cuddles in return,” he replied, tapping his pencil harshly against the book. “All three of you on the floor.”

”Bossy,” Alix said, winking. Max glared at her. “Okay okay, we’ll take it seriously,” she caved, throwing her hands up and attacking Max’s side with a hug. “You always smell like coconut,” she mumbled, wiggling closer to get her fair share of cuddles. Kim joined her and lifted Max into his lap, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy’s waist and nuzzling into his shoulder. Max squinted at him but said nothing. Ondine sat herself on the other side, both her and Alix reaching a hand behind Kim to hold.

Alix made a face. “Bleh, you’ve all made me soft!” She complained. Max giggled (god that was an adorable sound) and kissed her forehead. Alix stuck out her tongue. 

Ondine smiled softly. “I don’t quite think “soft” is an appropriate term,” she said, trying to stop the storm that would start. Alix shot her a glare before giving an innocent look to Max, who sighed.

”You do realize you’re stalling, right?”

”What could you possibly mean?”

”I give up, you three are impossible.”

”Max no!”

* * *

Third Attempt: Movie Date

~

“I’m going to hold all of you,” Kim announces as he seats himself on the couch. He places a carton of mint ice cream with four spoon beside him, and Ondine grabs the popcorn. She seats herself next to Kim, Alix and Max exchange glances.

Kim pulls Max into his lap, and Alix gently seats herself in Ondine’s. The other smiles and hugs her, which she returns. Kim throws and arm around Ondine, effectively touching Alix, and pulls them so they’re almost on his lap too. “See? It works,” he cheered, grinning.

Alix grabbed the remote and turned on the movie, grumbling. At least it wasn’t a sappy romance movie, she shivered. A nice good horror never hurt anyone.

Or so she thought.

It was only ten minutes into the movie and Max had let out a small shriek. Ondine’s face was pale, and she whimpered.

Kim gripped Ondine’s shoulder, rubbing his thumb across it gently. His other arm was wrapped protectively around Max, nuzzling his hair and comforting him, Ondine’s grip tightened on Alix when another scary figure popped up on the screen.

Alix turned the movie off after the third shriek. Kim looked hurt but understood. Ondine was practically shaking, and Max was buried in Kim’s chest and sobbing.

”Sorry guys,” Ondine said softly looking down. “I’m not really a horror person.”

Alix shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not gonna watch something you guys aren’t comfortable with.”

Max peeked out, flushed red and ashamed of himself. Ondine hugged him, and Alix jumped in as well.

Kim thought about their movie selection. “Lets watch Transformers or something,” he said, giving a glance to Max. He absolutely loved that series, and Kim remembered him trying to make a real-life version of one. 

Ondine scoffed. “We have to watch Pirates of the Carribean!” 

Alix gave a glance to Max, who rubbed his eyes and shrugged his shoulders. “Pirates of the Caribbean it is,” she said.

Max smiled, and Ondine cheered, before grabbing all the movies. “We’re marathoning,” Ondine declared.

”Please, spare us,” Kim begged. “At least don’t speak along word-by-word.”

Ondine smiled, and for the first time, the others knew true fear.

* * *

Fourth Attempt: Ice Cream Date

~

”Guys look!” Kim said, pointing across the street. Ondine’s eyes snapped over, seeing a little cart with a smiling man holding out ice cream to customers. “André! We have to get some! He’s the best in town!”

Ondine bit her lip. “Kim, he’s not gonna get our relationship,” she said, glancing to Alix and Max. “He’ll just think we’re on a double date.”

Alix blew her bubblegum and smiled. “Oi, that’s bullshit. I had to third wheel Nate and Marc once and he got it right. Even gave me a “special” flavor for the ultimate friend.” Max sighed at her language.

”While usually we would have a 87.9% chance of our relationship invalidated by another, André seems to have a 99.9% of getting his guesses right, which drops our number down to 42.4%.” Kim looked baffled, Alix smirked.

”How did you even get those numbers?” Kim gasped.

Ondine smiled, “well, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.”

The four began to walk to the man, who beamed at them.

”How wonderful young love is,” he declared, bringing out a cone, “who shall we start with first? How about you, young sir,” he pointed to Kim, smiling. “Well, mint chocolate, for his favorite color and the warmth of his eyes, strawberry for her hair and boldness, cherry for her sweet personality and beautiful locks, and three sugar sweets for the hearts connected to yours.”

Ondine’s jaw basically dropped, as André turned to her and did the same (Kim was chocolate banana, for his eyes and hair and oh god he was pretty.)

”How...?” Kim asked. André smiled.

”Usually I would not tell my secrets, but you have all been holding hands, and since I’m not in one place, I’ve seen it before,” the man turned to the next couple, leaving Kim and Ondine completely dumbfounded.

Alix smirked once again licking her ice cream cone. Kim blinked. “Someone please put that man on a pedestal,” he announced.

Max laugh, holding Ondine’s hand tight. Alix touched his wrist. Kim rested a hand on his shoulder.

”You made those numbers up, didn’t you?” Alix said. 

The boy looked at her, a cheeky smile on his face. “Perhaps.”

* * *

Fifth Attempt: Double Date

”Where do we goooo?!” Alix whined, flopping down on Nathaniel’s bed with a dejected sigh.

Nathaniel rose an eyebrow, closing his sketchbook. “Let me guess, it your turn to pick date night but being the anti-romantic ‘if you dare get sappy on me I will kill you’ Alix you are, you are hopeless with date planning.”

Alix rose from her misery to give Nathaniel a glare that should’ve sent Hawkmoth running, but he merely laughed. 

“Alright, there’s this great restaurant I know that has everything A to Z, they’re bound to find something.”

”You’re not suggesting a double date are you?” Alix growled.

Nathaniel pinched his best friend. “Please, Marc and I need to get our daily dose of socializing before we wither up.”

”Why are you my best friend?” Alix mumbled. “I hate you and I’m unfriending you.”

Nathaniel pouted. Alix groaned. “All right, call your boyfriend up and we’ll do this, but you owe me two hours at the skating rink for this. And every time you tease me about them adds another five minutes.”

The other visably winced. “Deal.”

Double dates were hell. Especially if Alix and Nathaniel were involved.

”You’re so bossy Nathaniel, I wonder if you’re like that with Marc~?” Alix cooed, and Ondine sighed.

Nathaniel barely glanced at her. “Alix, we are both ace, not to mention you yourself are too. Try again.”

Alix pouted. “Ugh you know I can’t do the mushy stuff. So let me tease you.”

Marc collapsed onto the table, and Max followed. Kim was holding his head in mock agony and Ondine’s smile was forced. 

The poor waiter came over and asked them for their orders, and everyone settled down just enough to answer politely.

”Alix, you are going to get us kicked out,” Nathaniel gritted. 

The other merely flicked another pea at him. “Not surprised, with the gang’s past incidents. I won’t stop until you admit the only reason you came was to cash in on a coupon. Y’know, the twenty euros off a party of four or more?”

”Alright, fine! I did!” Nathaniel huffed, raising his hands. “Wait how’d you know?” 

Alix merely waved a little paper in the air.

”Alix I swear give that back.”

Kim held Alix down as Ondine grabbed the coupon, handing it to Nathaniel. Marc and Max sighed, each giving each other sympathetic looks. 

Ondine rested her hand on Alix’s shoulder. “Why don’t we try something else instead?” She asked, Marc perked up.

”When’s the wedding?” He chirped.

Alix groaned, and Nathaniel shot her a grin. “Loopholes,” he declared.

Max turned, in all seriousness. “I do believe I should ask you the same question Marquis Anciel,” he said solemnly. “There is a 89.5% you will get married before any of us.” Marc spluttered and turned red.

Kim sighed. “Great, now Max is in it too.” Ondine pulled out her white handkerchief and waved it.

In the end, they did get kicked out, only when Marc insulted Max and Nathaniel challenged Alix, Kim stood up and yelled at all of them.

Alix checked her watch. “That’s three hours and forty-five minutes, Nath,” she grinned, slinging an arm around Ondine in triumph. Marc and Max had already finished their hour long apologies and now the former was patting his boyfriend’s back in empathy, the latter trying to hide his smile.

”Well I mean afterward Nath’s bum will be sore so go gentle on him Anciel,” Alix warned.

”ALIX!”

* * *

 Sixth Attempt: Picnic Date

”Alright, can we please try an not ruin this one?” Ondine pleaded. Alix skated backwards along the trail, and Kim doing the same but walking. Max rolled his eyes. “Try?”

Kim gave her a smile. “Alright, princess. We’ll try.”

”Squirrel!” Alix barked in his ear, and he shoved her. Max sighed, turning to an invention he was fiddling with. Markov was hovering over his shoulder and occasionally helping.

”Whatcha got there, Kanté?” Alix asked, peering closer. 

Ondine strained to look at it. “Is that a music box?”

Max hid it from view. “No,” he lied, and it was very obvious.

”Don’t bother him, munchkin, he can’t lie to save his life so let him keep a secret,” Kim scolded, resting his arm on Alix’s head. The pink-haired girl scoffed, pushing him off. 

Ondine’s nose wrinkled. “Munchkin, really Kim?”

The boy spluttered. “Well I’m not gonna call her “gremlin”! That’s crossing a line!”

Alix elbowed him hard in the ribs. “Sap,” she gagged.

The four finally reached their destination, a nice clearing in the middle of the park. It was an ideal date spot. Kim laid the huge blanket down and Ondine unloaded the food. Max passed out the dishes and silverware.

”No Kim, you’re not feeding anyone,” Ondine gently chided. Kim deflated, but all was forgotten when his plate was piled with food. 

Max smiled. “Marinette wouldn’t let me go without at least the mountains worth of goods,” he admitted. 

Alix grinned. “More food!” She cheered, locking eyes with Kim.

Max and Ondine shot up. “Oh no you don’t,” Ondine said sharply. Max glared at them. “I will not have an eating contest at this date! Last time you both were throwing up for _hours_!”

Both pouted, and Ondine held her ground. Max pushed up his glasses and sat down, beginning to eat. Ondine joined him, but her eyes never left the two.

Alix grinned. “I forgot the most important part.” She twisted to grab a styrofoam cup, suddenly throwning a handful of petals at Kim. He groaned.

”Alix, please no.”

She smiled. “It’s my calling,” she proclaimed.

Max was putting some final tweaks on his gadget, and set it in the middle of the blanket. With a few cranks, it did start playing music, but also opened up to show a metallic boutique of 2-D flowers, and Ondine knew they were hand made.

Kim’s mouth opened and even Alix stared for a bit. The shorter male blushed heavily, picking at the blanket. “Aww Max!” Kim cried, tackling him in a hug and peppering him with kisses. “You absolutely lovable geek!”

Ondine slid in, wrapping her arms around the familiar warmth of the two.

”Alix! You gotta join!” Kim whined, giving her the puppy look. Alix huffed before gently standing up. She looked at the assortment of foods, picking up a small frosted pastry. Kim’s eyes widened, jumping up. Alix gave Max a small side-hug before running after Kim, eventually splatting the pastry on his face. 

Ondine huffed, and Max offered his hand. “Shall we join in on the food fight?” He asked her.

Ondine nodded, taking his hand (and a few handfuls of food), before joining her partners in the chase.

* * *

 

Seventh Attempt: An Actual Successful Date (And Ondine and Max learn to lower their standards for one.)

~

Max smiled gently as he joined the cuddle pile. Kim’s bed was huge, and soft, and perfect for cuddling (but it was nothing compared to him.)

Alix was calmed enough, she and Kim had ran all across Paris and she cashed in on the three hours and forty-five minutes of rollerskating with Nathaniel, so she was tired out. Kim was basically the same, having had swim earlier.

Ondine had ordered a pizza for all of them, it had been a long debate between cheese, mushroom, broccoli (why Max, why?) and pineapple (Alix and Kim, obviously), which they eventually decided on half pineapple, half mushroom. 

“I will not touch these things,” Alix declared, picking off the mushroom and throwing them at Kim, who caught them in his mouth. 

“Then just eat the pineapple ones like you wanted,” Max pointed out. “Though I do believe you’re the only one here that does not like mushrooms on pizza. Even Kim likes them.”

Alix stuck out her tongue. “You wanted _broccoli_ on it, you don’t have the right to talk.”

”Did you know only thirty-seven percent of people eat their pizza with only cheese?”

”You’re avoiding it now.”

”Mushrooms is the second most popular topping next to pepperoni.”

”I bet pineapple is on that list, but broccoli isn’t.”

”...you are correct.”

“Hah!” Alix said, triumphant. She bit into her pizza with a smirk at Max. 

Ondine looked at her. “You’re eating all the mushroom ones so we have to eat the pineapple,” she accused.

Alix chuckled evilly. Max and Ondine quickly stole the rest of the “good pizza which sane people eat” and Kim took another of the pineapple. He looked at Alix. “Everyone has different taste buds, just like snowflakes. And food tastes different to them because...” he looked lost and glanced at Max for help.

The other giggled pressing a kiss to Kim’s nose. “I love you, and it’s absolutely adorable when you try to sound smart. But please, leave that to me.” Kim gave a goofy smile and winded and arm around Max’s waist.

”You missed.”

Alix gagged when they kissed. “I can’t! You have poisoned me!” She said dramatically, covering her eyes.

Max rolled his eyes and gave her a small peck, before his face morphed into disgust. “Even your lips taste like pineapple!” He said, horrified.

Ondine laughed as Alix made a big show of “rubbing the insane of her lips” and a warmth enveloped her. She pressed herself into Kim’s chest, and he leaned to kiss her, making all the fluttery feelings explode.

”I love you guys,” she said honestly.

The other three’s attention turned to her and she blushed lightly. 

Alix cleared her throat. “You guys are tolerable. Kissy and all that.”

Max flicked her. “I...” he struggled a bit, Ondine and Kim rubbed his shoulder. “I love you guys too.”

Kim’s face outmatched the sun. “You guys are the best! I love all of you so much.”

Alix snorted. “Dork,” she teased, before turning to the others.

”Now, who’s ready for videogames?” Max said, a twinkle in his eye.

Kim pumped his fist. “Hell yeah. You just watch, I’m gonna beat the videogame king.”

Max kissed him on the cheek. “In your dreams, Chien.”

Alix hopped up pulling Ondine with her. “Let us defeat the boys in their pathetic games, dear princess!” Ondine chuckled, and it became a race for the remotes.

She wouldn’t trade these three for the world, and neither would they.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m literally projecting onto Alix here.
> 
> Anyway hope you enjoyed this rarepair!


End file.
